


Just Until Tomorrow

by ConfessionsOfAGeekyFangirl



Category: Newsies (1992)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Depression, Family, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Oneshot, Other, Sad with a Happy(ish) Ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-07
Updated: 2015-05-07
Packaged: 2018-03-29 11:30:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3894709
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ConfessionsOfAGeekyFangirl/pseuds/ConfessionsOfAGeekyFangirl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"You know, sometimes I've thought about killing myself."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Just Until Tomorrow

**Author's Note:**

> TRIGGER WARNING: This story contains thoughts of depression and suicide! Do not read if it makes you uncomfortable!

You know, sometimes I’ve thought about killing myself.

It would be so damn easy. I could get a gun from somebody and sneak off into an alley and take a bullet to the head. Or, I could lock myself in the bathroom and take a swig of rat poison. Or, I could climb up to the roof at night while everyone’s asleep and just jump.

And then it would all be over.

I could get out of this shithole life. 

It ain’t like anyone would miss me. My family’s dead, Kloppman would be more than happy to not have to deal with my bullshit, and all the others never liked me anyways. They’re all sick and tired of me mopin’ and bein’ my usual glum-and-dumb self. They’d be better off without me around to ruin things with my bad mood. Hell, they probably won’t even notice I’m gone! 

I could kill myself. And no one would care.

Well, okay, Snitch might. He’s my best friend, if I even got one. He’s the only person I ever talk to (not that I’d ever tell him about this), and when I talk, he listens. And he knows how to cheer me up—or at least, distract me for a little while.

But if I did kill myself, he’d get over it eventually. I can’t be that important to him. I mean, he’s got Itey. And that bitch from the Sweet Shoppe he’s been flirtin’ with.

Really, what’s stoppin’ me? I got nothing to lose. Nothing holdin’ me back.

Well, that’s that, then. I’m going to kill myself. Today. 

Except…

Except that every time I tell myself this, every time I think I made up my mind, Tumbler always manages to find me, beggin’ me to play with him in the square, or cryin’ over a scraped knee, or holdin’ up a quarter some rich, pretty lady gave him after she sold her a pape and grinnin’ the widest, brightest grin in the world.

And that’s when I remember that, well, if I’m dead, then who’s gonna take care of this kid? Who’s gonna let him win pretend sword fights, or clean up his cuts, or bend over and ruffle his hair and tell him how proud they are of him? Who’s gonna carry him around on their shoulders when his little legs get too tired, or tell him stories before bed, or keep him outta trouble in the streets, or make sure he’s got a place to sleep at night and enough food to eat?

And then suddenly I remember why I can’t kill myself. 

Because Tumbler needs me.

And he would most definitely notice that I was gone.

I can wait until tomorrow. I can wait. I can survive for one more day. If I can just get Tumbler through one more day, then maybe he won’t need me anymore, and then maybe I can finally just go ahead and get it done with. 

I tell myself this pretty much every day of my life.

Tomorrow, I can kill myself. But today, Tumbler needs me.

So I guess I’ll be stickin’ around for a while now. 

Just until tomorrow finally comes.


End file.
